Characters in xx80s Fantasy Land Page 3

42. Cavalier: A race of humans that cannot be harmed by natural or artificial means. Only god can kill a cavalier. No spell can kill them, no spear, no axe, no halbers, no sword, not even Excalibur can hurt a cavalier. Cavaliers are always aligned as good people. The term "Cavalier" came to mean arrogant thoughts of invincibility. 43. Mordred LeFay: Loiters around Gothic Cathedrals looking for shoes on the spires in hopes of finding some cheap off-brand magic. Killed Arthur Uther Pendragon with a spear, but Arthur stabbed him in the chest and blood came out of Mordred's mouth. 44. Saruman: The Evil Wizard which betrayed Gandalf. He beat Gandalf up with magic from his staff. His throat was cut open by Grima Wormtongue. There was a Saruman II which came out in 1683 A.D. because an old wizard is just too cute to toss, and this time it was a good wizard. 45. Grima Wormtongue: The servant to Saruman. Got mistreated often and snapped at Saruman and slit his throat. 46. Theoden: The most cuddly human with his wrinkly face and his beard and long hair. So old-looking you just want to hold him in your arms and feel the wrinkles on his face and feel his beard. He is not hugged often enough. 47. Thor: A male Viking which tried to be god but failed. He later went on Vice City and got people "into the Viking thing..." 48. Pope Boniface IX:Made the first method to synthesize SID music in church in the year 1390. He was really into the mitre fashions. Carried a staff with Christian powers. 49. Artemis Pinkwar: Was a woman who tried to be a female god, failed that, and then said that you should put a dead plant in your house near the end of the year, preferably sitting in a stand filled with gasoline, and near burning cigarettes. If you still worship her (not recommended!) it also helps to fill the room with 100% pure oxygen. 50. Hecate Hexamatic: Always wished bad things on people using sorcery. Thinks a sword is not as good as using an "Instant Kill" spell, even though it is much less bloody (and therefore less visually appealing). Many times her broom has fallen out of the sky because she didn't pay her sorcery bill. 51. Vlad The Impaler: Derives pleasure from running stakes through people's torsos. Does not intentionally drink any type of blood. Dances and sings when he sees someone sliding down a stake as it goes through the person. Does not discriminate on who to impale. Impaled 20,000 people in his lifetime. 52. Robin Hood: The best archer ever made. Could split the arrow on the bulls eye repeatedly, even when walking further away with each iteration. Never used sorcery. Only killed bad people. 53. William Tell: A one-hit wonder who wrote the William Tell Overture. Mostly remembered for shooting an apple off his son's head without making the trademark aluminum-bat noise which could of happened if the arrow bounced off his son's skull.

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